Hello Again! Thank you for such the warm support of last week’s column. As I had imagined, many of you have experiences where you can compare your love life with the thrill of roller coasters. As I was preparing for my column, I have noticed several of you responding with burning question. I think the note I hove chosen below highlights best everyone’s concern that has written in. So although I will be writing like I am responding to just Jessica, it really is a column for all of you out there who’s marriage is feeling the same strain as this letter.
Dear Dr. Crews,
I’m writing you because I have found quite the problem between my husband and I. You see, we are divided over the issue of Healthcare. I am for reform and a universal system, supporting President Obama. My husband thinks that the system is the best how it is and is not in support of the President at all concerning this issue. I don’t know. It has lead to much anger and rage in our family. We husband and I begin to dialogue about this issue and it soon turns to me hurling the lamp at him (which, I am said to say, really happened). It really is affecting our family. Please help!
Jessica Martz,
Lake Roak, Colorado
Wow, what a powerful letter, Jessica. I have spent quite some time thinking about this issue and I hope to find a way for you and your husband could better communicate because it might be the saving grace for your marriage. Luckily for me, since I am not seeing anyone (eh eh eh, call me up ladies?….just kidding, don’t do that) it hasn’t caused a strain in my love life but I think we can all understand this issue in the context of conversations with our family and friends. After all, it is a proven fact that our family and friends just aren’t as intelligent as we are. Let me throw a few suggestions for you and your husband, Jessica.
One thing you need to learn is how to have healthy dialogues again. One way you can go about doing this is by asking each other a question that you both already know the answer to. That way, there is no dispute about the answer and you are both able to dialogue civilly and not blow up at each other. For example, if you ask your husband, “Which do you prefer, Lethal Weapon I, II, III, or IV?” He would respond, “Oh, without a doubt Lethal Weapon IV!” Which is, of course, the right answer. “Are you kidding me? Mel Gibson, Danny Glover, Joe Pesci, AND Chris Rock?” Then you both will be able to have hours of conversation that you find are enjoyable and you both can agree. If you were to ask him, “Jiff or Peter Pan?” He would respond, “Well choosy moms choose Jiff and I would have to agree with that.” Again, endless and pleasant discussion for you and your loved one.
Here is another suggestion that I think you should implement into your family’s life. Never talk about politics. Never talk about politics. Never talk about politics. Rabbi’s have this tradition that if you say something three times in a row, out loud, then it becomes written on a star or copyrighted or something to that effect. So go ahead say it out loud. Never talk about politics. Never talk about politics. Never talk about politics. If your husband asks you, “Did you hear what President Obama said today?” You should respond, “I’m sorry, I’m not familiar with that name.” Your husband, “Jessica are your messing with me?” You, “Ohh! I just remembered I forgot Stacy at soccer practice!” Crisis averted. You run out of that house like bobcat and drive towards freedom. And honestly, you should probably just do that every time you start talking about politics. Of course, you are going to have to think of a lot of excuses and keep them in your blackberry. This way all of your conversations remain stress free and you will find that you and your husband are reaching new depths of love.
One last suggestion that should be helpful for you is to drop healthcare and consider what it’s like to not have it. I really am not in the position to say which policy is best or who is right and who is wrong. My expertise is in love, not government, but perhaps you might consider both viewpoints of the argument. That’s what we do in the Love and Relations field. Perhaps you might find the some blessings in what you have now. Perhaps you might find the difficulty of not having it. Perhaps to the answer to “Should healthcare be reformed or should we keep the system we have?” is yes. Again, I know nothing concern American government so you should talk to people on both sides of the argument. To quote my great friend, G. K. Chesterton, “The truth is that people who worship health cannot remain healthy.” Perhaps that applies to healthcare as well.
Well there you have it Jessica and all the other readers who were brave enough to write in. I truly appreciate it! Keep sending your questions and I will answer them as best as I can. Don’t forget to check out the facebook group Love & Relations Relating to Relationships or the blog http://relationsrelatingtorelationships.blogspot.com/. This one is dedicated to my homies.
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