By: Dr. Nathan W. Crews
Hello, once again! This week I received two separate emails pertaining to the same question. Of those emails, one was from a male and the other from a female, which is perfect because it gives me a chance to handle this issue from all perspectives. Here we are:
Dear Dr. Crews,
As a college student, there are many things in my life that have needed to be adjusted to a collegiate lifestyle. My writing has needed to improve. My study methods have had to be increased to an acceptable college level of education. I was wondering if you could help me improve my flirting skills to a collegiate level?
Thanks,
David Wilson, Ontario, Canada
Dear Dr. Crews,
I am a junior at Arkansas State University. Of all my three years at college here, I do not feel that I have got a good feel for how to flirt well. I was wondering if you could give me any advice for how to flirt with cute college boys?
Thanks,
Britnay West, Woodcreek, Arkansas
Thank you Britnay and David, these are excellent questions. I feel that college students enter college with inadequate flirting skills and often leave without inquiring them. To flirt well is difficult and takes much practice but perhaps a few simple tips will help you make tremendous headway. I have divided some of these tips into different situations that many students find themselves in at college. Let us begin:
Apples to Apples:
A popular game amongst college students, Apples to Apples brings up a multitude of flirting opportunities. I would first suggest that as a group begins to form a circle, make sure that you are sitting next to the one you like. Even if you have to run and dive across the room, angering some people in the process, this is a necessary step. Make sure you introduce yourself. You might be saying to yourself, “But I have known this [young man/young women] for quite some time now”. It doesn’t matter, it is always best to reintroduce yourself. For our Greenville College readers, this is also an excellent time to list your top five strengths and all the strengths that you think you should have received but your not sure why you didn't get them.
After you have situated yourself next to the individual, it’s time for the game to start! I would suggest that after the topic has been selected that you quickly look over the other person’s shoulder to see what card they are going to lie down. Make sure you get as close to their ear as possible, you don’t want to accidentally read the card incorrectly. When the cards begin to be read aloud, make sure you laugh really hard at our special someone’s card. Laugh like it is the most hilarious thing you have ever heard. Laugh loud, laugh long, laugh really annoyingly.
Also a few times during the night, perhaps 4 or 5 times, you are going to want to initiate physical contact. My best suggestion is that at some people you place your hand on the other person’s knee for about 3 to 4 minutes. Just keep it there. When the individual looks at you (warning: it may not be a kind look), keep your hand at their knee and look longingly back into the individual’s eyes. This is flirting gold.
Campus Mail:
Here are a few simple ways to initiate flirting while using something as simple as campus mail. My favorite one, and one that is almost a guaranteed success, is coloring a picture of your special person with crayons and sending it to them through campus mail. Not just one, though, more like 30. I would also suggest that these pictures depicted your loved individual doing something like fighting full of valor at the Battle of the Alamo or perhaps what member of the Village People that your loved one most represents. Using stick figures is completely acceptable.
Utilizing Scott Field:
Here is a tip that pertains mainly to our Greenville readers (unless there is another campus with a Scott Field or perhaps you have a friend named Scott Field). When flirting you do not want to go over the top or be over bearing, yet, you do not want your flirting to be so minuscule that it goes unnoticed neither. Here is a tip that finds that perfect balance. Drape banners all the way from the library, across the trees opposite the gym, to the trees in front of Snyder saying, “I LOVE YOU AND I WANT THE WHOLE WORLD TO KNOW!” This is what I like to call “going all out”. Again, this isn’t over the top, but it displays your passion in such a way that it most definitely will not go unnoticed. Be creative! Use anything from the sidewalks to gumballs to the benches to get your point across.
I would like to reiterate that flirting is something that is not acquired over night but takes years of practice. Michael Jordan did not become a great basketball player after one game; he worked hard and became a phenomenal basketball player. However, I hear that he is not so good at flirting. So I suppose that you may have to give up a life of basketball excellence, but it will be worth it. These are just a few simple tips but I assure you, they will take you far!
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
Love & Relations Relating to Relationships
By: Dr. Nathan W. Crews
First off, I wanted to start this article with a big thanks for the great response to the last article. I’m glad that hundreds of people were able to change their previously lonely Valentine’s Day experiences into a night full of merriment and gaiety. However, this article will be the first of many that I will (successfully) attempt to answer questions submitted by readers. Let us begin!
Hello Dr. Crews,
My name is Anonymous Male #1. I just wanted to say that your advice on what I should do during V-day was absolutely perfect. Before I read your article in The Papyrus, I was so dreary, I could hardly move. I was so depressed that I didn't have a Valentine. But something came up. I was wondering...I have this really good friend back home, we have known each other our whole lives. I was fed up with not having a Valentine, so I asked this person to be mine for this one day. The thing is, that person is also a Male. I have always made time for this person; we played on the jungle gyms in grade school, and wrote papers with each other in high school. So my question is...Is it weird for me to ask my best friend from back home to be my Valentine? Any input would be super. Thanks Dr. Crews!
Anonymous Male #1
Thank you Anonymous Male #1 for submitting your truly perplexing question. It is no doubt that since Valentine’s Day was but a few weeks ago and it may be a while until this question becomes relevant again but I am more than happy to try and answer this question for next year’s holiday of love.
What you are encountering is a feeling that is becoming somewhat of a trend. As one of many Psychiatrists in Love & Relational Relationships, it is a term we like to call “bromance”. According to Urbandictionary.com, bromance is defined as “the complicated love and affection shared by two straight males”, “A non-sexual relationships between two males who are unusually close”, and “A close relationships between two bros to such a point where they start to seem like a couple.” There is an even better description of bromance at the all-knowing Wikipedia.org. What you’re coming across is something quite natural so do not feel alarmed. There is no need to feel weird about asking your male friend to join you in a night on the town, whether it be Valentine’s Day or any other day of the year. To help make this feeling seem more normal to you, let me take you on a tour of some of the world’s most beloved bromances:
Ben Affleck & Matt Damon: It could be said that this is the world’s most famous bromance. They have been friends since childhood and continue to stroll down the red carpet together. These two have starred in countless movies together like ‘Good Will Hunting’, ‘Dogma’, and many others. What better pair is there than Jason Bourne and that tough, young, son-of-a-gun from Armageddon.
C. S. Lewis & J. R. R. Tolkien: Is there any better bromance among great Christian thinkers than C. S. Lewis and J. R. R. Tolkien? First off, they both were excellent authors, writing books, such as Mere Christianity, The Lord of the Rings, and The Chronicles of Narnia. Second, They both have abbreviated initials for first and middle names, something that all intellectual people covet. And lastly, they were both part of the literary discussion group, The Inklings, where they would spend most of the their evenings at the pub discussing fine literature while having an ale or two. Without a doubt two very influence men in the Christian thought realm and one of the strongest bromances.
Moriah Seaman & Davey Lund: A local bromance that gets to the heart of what bromances are truly meant to be. Once a pair that sported golden locks of hair flowing down to the shoulders, the only way to describe this duo is “indie”. They both can be found jamming in Johannah Swank’s band, The Swashbucklers. Great musicians and even better friends, this is a bromance that is for the ages.
Well, Anonymous Male #1, I hope these few insights and examples can help you with your anguish you are feeling about your dear friend. Don’t be discouraged, keep that head up! A bromance is nothing to be ashamed about! Until next time, please continue to send your questions to Dr. Nathan W. Crews, Doctor of Love and Relational Relationships, at 200806058@panthers.greenville.edu.
First off, I wanted to start this article with a big thanks for the great response to the last article. I’m glad that hundreds of people were able to change their previously lonely Valentine’s Day experiences into a night full of merriment and gaiety. However, this article will be the first of many that I will (successfully) attempt to answer questions submitted by readers. Let us begin!
Hello Dr. Crews,
My name is Anonymous Male #1. I just wanted to say that your advice on what I should do during V-day was absolutely perfect. Before I read your article in The Papyrus, I was so dreary, I could hardly move. I was so depressed that I didn't have a Valentine. But something came up. I was wondering...I have this really good friend back home, we have known each other our whole lives. I was fed up with not having a Valentine, so I asked this person to be mine for this one day. The thing is, that person is also a Male. I have always made time for this person; we played on the jungle gyms in grade school, and wrote papers with each other in high school. So my question is...Is it weird for me to ask my best friend from back home to be my Valentine? Any input would be super. Thanks Dr. Crews!
Anonymous Male #1
Thank you Anonymous Male #1 for submitting your truly perplexing question. It is no doubt that since Valentine’s Day was but a few weeks ago and it may be a while until this question becomes relevant again but I am more than happy to try and answer this question for next year’s holiday of love.
What you are encountering is a feeling that is becoming somewhat of a trend. As one of many Psychiatrists in Love & Relational Relationships, it is a term we like to call “bromance”. According to Urbandictionary.com, bromance is defined as “the complicated love and affection shared by two straight males”, “A non-sexual relationships between two males who are unusually close”, and “A close relationships between two bros to such a point where they start to seem like a couple.” There is an even better description of bromance at the all-knowing Wikipedia.org. What you’re coming across is something quite natural so do not feel alarmed. There is no need to feel weird about asking your male friend to join you in a night on the town, whether it be Valentine’s Day or any other day of the year. To help make this feeling seem more normal to you, let me take you on a tour of some of the world’s most beloved bromances:
Ben Affleck & Matt Damon: It could be said that this is the world’s most famous bromance. They have been friends since childhood and continue to stroll down the red carpet together. These two have starred in countless movies together like ‘Good Will Hunting’, ‘Dogma’, and many others. What better pair is there than Jason Bourne and that tough, young, son-of-a-gun from Armageddon.
C. S. Lewis & J. R. R. Tolkien: Is there any better bromance among great Christian thinkers than C. S. Lewis and J. R. R. Tolkien? First off, they both were excellent authors, writing books, such as Mere Christianity, The Lord of the Rings, and The Chronicles of Narnia. Second, They both have abbreviated initials for first and middle names, something that all intellectual people covet. And lastly, they were both part of the literary discussion group, The Inklings, where they would spend most of the their evenings at the pub discussing fine literature while having an ale or two. Without a doubt two very influence men in the Christian thought realm and one of the strongest bromances.
Moriah Seaman & Davey Lund: A local bromance that gets to the heart of what bromances are truly meant to be. Once a pair that sported golden locks of hair flowing down to the shoulders, the only way to describe this duo is “indie”. They both can be found jamming in Johannah Swank’s band, The Swashbucklers. Great musicians and even better friends, this is a bromance that is for the ages.
Well, Anonymous Male #1, I hope these few insights and examples can help you with your anguish you are feeling about your dear friend. Don’t be discouraged, keep that head up! A bromance is nothing to be ashamed about! Until next time, please continue to send your questions to Dr. Nathan W. Crews, Doctor of Love and Relational Relationships, at 200806058@panthers.greenville.edu.
How To Handle Valentine’s Day Being Single
By: Dr. Nathan W. Crews
Nathan Crews has an Honorable Doctorate from Harvard in Love & Relational Relations. He has taught at such prestigious universities as Harvard, M.I.T., Princeton, Yale, Oxford, and Hamburger University. Greenville College has the pleasure of having him teach a few classes this semester before returning to his European book tour. He has written such books as Love: Why Do We Spell It That Way?, Relationships Shmayshinships, and How To Watch ‘Sleepless In Seattle’ And Not Cry. His most proud accomplishment was being the Relationship Counselor to the Chicago Bulls from 1990 to 1999. Six-peat baby!
Two things are always guaranteed on February 14th: couples will be walking hand-in-hand, head on shoulder, and acting lovey-dovey and single people will be saving a lot of money. Even though one may be saving a lot of money by staying in, it doesn’t mean that feelings of loneliness, depression, and self-loathing are easy to overcome. However, I have compiled a few helpful tips for how to handle Valentine’s Day while being single and still feel good about yourself. I do realize, though, that because this is Greenville College, I’m writing to a total of about 15 people who go here and aren’t dating or engaged.
1) Since you won’t have any plans V-Day night, you might decide to watch a movie. That’s well and fine but I must warn you don’t watch any movies like The Notebook, Jerry McGuire, or Shrek. Instead watch a movie like Titanic where it ends with a tragic accident where the loved one dies. It will leave you thinking “Wow, that could have happened to me tonight. Good thing I stayed home!” No doubt your confidence will be boosted tenfold.
2) Unless it’s an emergency situation, don’t for any reason go to visit your parents. Sometime during the evening you’ll find yourself sitting on the couch with your PJ’s on, in between your mom and dad watching the 10 o’clock news. This may cause you to take a long, hard look at your life up to this point and it may be something that you’re not ready to handle. It could also result in lots of crying and you may find yourself in bed before most couples have left the Texas Roadhouse parking lot.
3) It’s almost guaranteed that across campus couples everywhere will be holding hands. This may be hard to handle when walking from class to class. So a simple answer would be don’t leave your room. This may involve skipping some classes but trust me, it will be worth it. I will say it again, don’t leave your room. For nothing.
4) Ask someone out on a date. When they say yes, reject them. This is another piece of advice that will boost your confidence and will allow you to be able to say, “Well I could have gone out with Shirley tonight but I had a much finer time by myself.”
5) Make plans to go to the Olympics, see The Beatles in concert, or have dinner with Abraham Lincoln. That way, when people ask you what you are doing on Valentine’s Day, you’ll appear to be busy. However, when evening rolls around you’ll realize that you actually won’t be able to do any of these things and it will allow you to have a nice quiet evening at home.
Well, these are some surefire ways to help overcome the difficulty that Valentine’s Day brings to single people. Follow these easy suggestions and you’ll be certain to have a wonderful V-Day by yourself.
Do you have any questions about love or relationships? Write Dr. Crews at 200806058 @panthers.greenville.edu and he will pick some lucky few to respond to and that will be featured in The Papyrus. Please do so! Please! Please! Please! Please! Please!
Nathan Crews has an Honorable Doctorate from Harvard in Love & Relational Relations. He has taught at such prestigious universities as Harvard, M.I.T., Princeton, Yale, Oxford, and Hamburger University. Greenville College has the pleasure of having him teach a few classes this semester before returning to his European book tour. He has written such books as Love: Why Do We Spell It That Way?, Relationships Shmayshinships, and How To Watch ‘Sleepless In Seattle’ And Not Cry. His most proud accomplishment was being the Relationship Counselor to the Chicago Bulls from 1990 to 1999. Six-peat baby!
Two things are always guaranteed on February 14th: couples will be walking hand-in-hand, head on shoulder, and acting lovey-dovey and single people will be saving a lot of money. Even though one may be saving a lot of money by staying in, it doesn’t mean that feelings of loneliness, depression, and self-loathing are easy to overcome. However, I have compiled a few helpful tips for how to handle Valentine’s Day while being single and still feel good about yourself. I do realize, though, that because this is Greenville College, I’m writing to a total of about 15 people who go here and aren’t dating or engaged.
1) Since you won’t have any plans V-Day night, you might decide to watch a movie. That’s well and fine but I must warn you don’t watch any movies like The Notebook, Jerry McGuire, or Shrek. Instead watch a movie like Titanic where it ends with a tragic accident where the loved one dies. It will leave you thinking “Wow, that could have happened to me tonight. Good thing I stayed home!” No doubt your confidence will be boosted tenfold.
2) Unless it’s an emergency situation, don’t for any reason go to visit your parents. Sometime during the evening you’ll find yourself sitting on the couch with your PJ’s on, in between your mom and dad watching the 10 o’clock news. This may cause you to take a long, hard look at your life up to this point and it may be something that you’re not ready to handle. It could also result in lots of crying and you may find yourself in bed before most couples have left the Texas Roadhouse parking lot.
3) It’s almost guaranteed that across campus couples everywhere will be holding hands. This may be hard to handle when walking from class to class. So a simple answer would be don’t leave your room. This may involve skipping some classes but trust me, it will be worth it. I will say it again, don’t leave your room. For nothing.
4) Ask someone out on a date. When they say yes, reject them. This is another piece of advice that will boost your confidence and will allow you to be able to say, “Well I could have gone out with Shirley tonight but I had a much finer time by myself.”
5) Make plans to go to the Olympics, see The Beatles in concert, or have dinner with Abraham Lincoln. That way, when people ask you what you are doing on Valentine’s Day, you’ll appear to be busy. However, when evening rolls around you’ll realize that you actually won’t be able to do any of these things and it will allow you to have a nice quiet evening at home.
Well, these are some surefire ways to help overcome the difficulty that Valentine’s Day brings to single people. Follow these easy suggestions and you’ll be certain to have a wonderful V-Day by yourself.
Do you have any questions about love or relationships? Write Dr. Crews at 200806058 @panthers.greenville.edu and he will pick some lucky few to respond to and that will be featured in The Papyrus. Please do so! Please! Please! Please! Please! Please!
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