That Dang Dear Abby

Hey readers! What a beautiful week it has been for the first week of March. The weather is starting to warm, the birds are chirping, and college students all over the country are selling furniture and giving blood in order to make enough money to by a ring just before the end of the school year. As the saying goes, “Ring by spring or your money back!” I, for one, am still waiting on a pretty large check from Greenville if this statement is to be taken literally (and I believe it is).

As for the article this week, I have a pretty embarrassing confession. I received a question from an eager reader that I did not hesitate to answer. I thought over what would be the best response for my reader and then spent a day or two articulating what I thought the best solution to her problem was. Here is the problem; she didn’t mean to write that question to me, she meant to write the question to that OTHER columnist, Dear Abby! She didn’t even want my advice. My longtime readers will know that Dear Abby is my greatest rival! We have been competing columnist for quite some time now, going all the way back to when we attended Princeton together. I met her my senior year and we deeply fell in love with each other, however things went south. She was the one I let slip through my hands and we have been battling over the love advice world ever since.

Anyway, here is the question meant for Dear Abby, but probably answered better by me:

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have three children, so our social life revolves mostly around them, our families and church. Although I am considered quite attractive, I always dress very conservatively. My husband and I have planned a long, romantic weekend getaway at a resort about 300 miles from here. I have been considering wearing some sexy outfits when we go out to dinner and to the nightclub at the resort. Normally, I'd feel uncomfortable dressing "wild and sexy," but since it's highly unlikely that we'll run into anyone we know there, I think it would be fun. My husband always loved it when I wore miniskirts, so I know how he would feel about it. Can you offer your opinion? I can't ask any of my friends about this because I'm afraid they might gossip about my private life. -- USUALLY SHY IN THE NORTHEAST

Well, USUALLY SHY IN THE NORTHEAST, I have read what my friend and colleague, Dear Abby has told you and let ME tell YOU that she is most definitely WRONG! Go for it sista. If you are sure that you would feel comfortable and your husband will too, then let loose! Abby may not feel comfortable with this, but I think we all might agree that she is pretty old and a prude about these things. Just because she doesn’t have the goods to show off any more doesn’t mean that you should follow her Amish example.

Honey, if you are going out to a nice romantic dinner or a nightclub, why not put on something a little fun! Just remember, you are dressing fancy for the attention of your husband and not for the attention of other men. Also, when you dress up there is a line between class and classless, just know where that line ends.

Listen to me, if you are wanting a fun and romantic weekend with your hubby, you can’t dress up like a butter-churner, as Abby would have you to believe. The “Little House on the Prairie” look probably isn’t what your husband has in mind for “sexy and wild” (Although, your husband dressing up like Michael Landon, might actually work for him). We all know that Abby is just jealous and she is taking it out on you. The Mennonite look is not sexy now and it won’t be sexy ever, trust me.

Yours,

Dr. Crews

There you have it folks. Another reader saved from the terrible advice of Dear Abby. No doubt that once she gets a hold of this article, it will only add fuel to the fire of our rivalry. Are you all familiar with Team Edward and Team Jacob or Team Conan and….well I don’t really know anyone that joined Team Leno, but there probably were two or three people who did. Anyway, it may come to that. When it does, I trust that my faithful readers will stand up, answer the call, and join Team CREWS!